Friday, November 21, 2014

Vignette

Hank Sanders
Holly Walsh
Teal
11/17
Vignette
As I took a step onto the chair that stood in between me and the jar of applesauce that sat on the counter, I couldn’t help but remind myself what a great idea it would be to open the jar all by myself. With my mother occupied by my brother-Jack Sanders-who was passing out in our bathroom after slicing his finger open with a Mandolin Vegetable Cutter, the only way I could enjoy my snack was if I took off the lid of the metal jar all by myself. But instead of grabbing a tool whose job was to open jars-say a jar opener-I decided to use my teeth. Faster then my mom could scream “Jack’s fainting,” my two front teeth popped out of my mouth. Along with it came a shriek that practically opened the jar all by itself.
My Mom has always been a solid oak. She is there for me when the going gets tough and is never a negative force when I am in need. She shows no sign of stress when others would reek of struggle. But at that time, at that moment in time, with my brother in pain and now an unknown shriek piercing her ear drums, I saw a weaker and less thoughtful way about my mother.
Leaving my brother’s side, my mom sprinted across the cold ceramic floor with a panicked look on her face yelling “What happened?”
As I tried to explain what I had done, I began to realize the faults in my reasoning.
Because I realized that what I had done was extremely poor judgment on my part, I tried to convince my mom that my teeth had simply fallen out of my head, unassisted.
“Hank. I see the blood on the jar. Don’t hide it.”
As my mother looked into my eyes trying to decipher what had gone through my mind just before I lost a good portion of my mouth, my mind wandered and I replayed the moment in my head. Teeth hitting metal, ivory flying from my face.
When I apologized and told the truth, with blood and saliva pouring out of my mouth, my mother had a couple of words to share.
“Yeah, dumb. Really really dumb. You should’ve seen that from a mile away.”
It took me some time to calm down. The bloody face of mine that had an open gap where teeth used to grow  was wet with tears. But after I calmed myself, I asked my mom to do me a favor.
“What can I do for you honey?” she asked kindly, kneeling down to my height so she could peer into my eye sockets. I could tell that with my brother bandaged up and no longer pale as a ghost, her stress level had gone down.
At the appropriate moment I asked my mommy if I could enjoy some applesauce out of a jar that she opened.
The applesauce was cold as it went down my throat. I took turns eating the yellowish sauce each time with a different style of consumption. At first, I licked the applesauce off the spoon and then swallowed a large amount in one gulp. Then I bit it and chewed the liquidy substance until all the fiber in the apple goop had turned to a watery apple flavored Capri Sun. The drinking was my favorite method of inhaling the healthy snack.
I ate applesauce and cinnamon ‘til the sun went down.


As it became time to go to bed, my mother tucked me in beneath a large bundle on cushiony bird feathers that would each night would have one or two quills that stabbed me in my unconscious body. My Father read me Shakespeare.

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Instagram


Instagram

My Award Winning Essay


Hello Folks
I entered this essay into a writing contest and won a hundred dollars as the first place prize.
Enjoy!





Short Story Contest

A Thankless Job

I come from humble backgrounds. I am a blue collar worker, just like my parents, my parent’s parents, even my parent’s parent’s parent’s parents. Being a dustpan is a thankless life. All of the praise and gratitude goes to my cousin, Broom. Everyone loves Broom. And don’t even get me started about my brother-in-law, Vacuum.
We dustpans lead a tough life. We clean things that clean things. Have you ever seen anyone wash a dustpan? We are called something that human beings want to get rid of. What kind of message is this sending to our culture? Our entire handle is built so we can attach ourselves to the Broom! That advertises the fact that we are the Broom’s henchmen.
With all of this said, there is one thing that wakes me up in the morning ready to pick up dirt and sends me to bed with a smile on my plastic: The dustpan code of conduct:
O dustpan o dustpan,
Clean up the dust
Put it in the trash
Do what you are told,
Never backlash.
Our bodies are dirtied,
But our minds are clear
Clean up Their mess and Rewards will appear.
If you lead a good life
Full of happiness and schmutz
Then you can be sure
To never go cuputz.
O dustpan o dustpan,
Clean up the dust
Never ask twice
This, we all must.

So true (what a beautiful poem from one of our own highly esteemed Walt Dustman.)
πŸ”ΊπŸ”»πŸ”ΊπŸ”»
I was once asked by son Dustin Hoffman, who currently works in Hollywood, “Dad, what is one thing lesson you have learned to be true over your many years of being a dustpan?”
Now I haven’t given him an answer. Whenever this question is posed, I always respond with something like: “Son I have learned many things over my years in the disinfectant industry, now go clean our owner’s scrambled eggs that slid off his plate.” Why, you might ask, do I never tell my son the single most important thing that I have learned? Well, wise question asker, its because I’ve never had one. I do the same exact thing every single day. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Wake up, clean, wait, clean, wait, clean, sleep. Wake up, clean, wait, clean, wait, clean sleep. Not much to learn.
Then, I recognized that that is what I learned. Sure I don’t have a glamorous job. Sure no one thanks me for my work (most humans hardly know I exist.) And sure my life is pretty uneventful (lets be honest, most of the cool messes go to things like the sponge or the carpet washer). But then I realized that that is just the way it is. I can’t change myself. Do I wish I was a mop? Yes. But I’m a dustpan, and the only thing I can do is be the best damn dustpan I can possibly be.
Well I got to go. Dust duty calls, and I must answer.
But if this account ever somehow, someway, makes it into a human’s hands, I have two things to tell you:
  1. Sometimes in life, the most beautiful things are the ones that you never see
  2. Scrambled eggs should always stay on your plate.

Yours,
Dustin Off

P.S. Oh and human, please thank the dog.